3.14.12. NOT 4.8.15.16.23.42

I read a quote yesterday that hit very close to my heart. "Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself". Sometimes I find myself getting too sidetracked by what could/should/would have been. Growing older is nothing short of amazing to me and my curious mind is dissecting the process daily and breaking down the actions and emotions that accompany the adventure. One of the worst things I do is look at my past and compare it to my present. I look back and see the major changes that have taken place in my short-lived adult life. I have been all over the place! I would never change that. What I would change, is this point of view I have obtained along the way. For the majority of my life, I have been unable to stay in one place (physically and mentally). I believe this trait comes from my DNA as moving around has been inherent in my mother's entire life and I somehow got the second hand smoke effect from that. As sort of a mandatory self preservation attempt... once I found a place of my own (the great town of weirdness) I planted my hungry roots firmly in the soil and let them grow. I fear now that my roots have become too attached to the ground and any small shift makes them tremble. I look back at the person I used to be and see these changes like night and day and no matter how much I try to understand exactly where and why these changes took place: (I am comparing this in my head right now to when Lola, a quite intelligent yet neurotic border collie, sniffs around obsessively trying to trace the path of her ball). So, when I catch myself doing this sort of uber-analyzing I must remind myself that there were no "wrong" turns. Growing older is still unfamiliar to me. I have made the changes I wanted to in order to get me started.  I have got not just one, but two feet out the door and I have planned the trip to the best of my ability. I know I shouldn't be afraid of growing up. With all the crazy shit that is behind me, I know I can handle the future...especially since I am thinking with a 26 year old brain. So, summary...I am never going to "find" myself because I am not lost, I have never been lost. I have been creating myself. I am exactly where I need to be.