Analogically so, I am a slimy amphibian.

When does a tadpole realize that it is no longer such. Is it instant? Does this transformation even register or does it take trial and error? One day, does the caterpillar pass by a window and say (and I hope in a British accent) "Oh Holy FUCK, I do believe I'm a butterfly." 


Personal growth has always been a front-runner in the steady race of my life values. This year even more so than the already overwhelming recent few. One of my biggest issues that I have carried with me, stems from my insecurity and the accompanying fear of instability. When I push pause on the repetitive worry soundtrack in my mind, I can take a step back from my nagging uptight norm and say "Oh Holy Fuck, I do believe I'm doing great." It has become a second nature for me to continuously strive for the right plan, the "way it should" be. I'm not sure if this characteristic was acquired through some self-preservation attempt or what really, I just know that it was borderline detrimental to my well being. Movies, fairy-tales, love songs, mother fucking Aesop's Fables, and most importantly true stories from a long time ago that are no longer applicable in today's new world, all of these contributed to my idealistic views that have painstakingly been a full-time back seat driver in my attempt to make them my reality. One of the most important things I could ever tell myself, given the chance to teleport back in time, would be: that it is much more fun, enlightening, and effective to take your own path. Now that gem of advice is not applicable to everyone. Some people need definitive structure ie: a pre-determined well groomed pathway for them to mindlessly travel upon. Those people are blissfully ignorant and I can't say that I wouldn't mind walking in their shoes for a day. Unfortunately I am not wired that simply and the mysterious make-up of my restless brain will not allow me such pleasures. In awareness of the fact that I am my own person, and that I must own being  that person, I find comfort. I am this. Regardless of whether that tadpole went on for years wondering why he felt so different than he remembers, the reality is: the day he realized that he was a fucking frog, was brilliant. Jump Jump you fabulous frog! 
Make up for all those jumps you never knew were possible :)

Best Friend Birthday Love. Princess Kara Kirkley de la Round Rock.

 Kara Kirkley: Sing to the tune of this song please. Lyrics by Micki and Hyde.

Big fat beers and Jameson, I do love to have some fun. But not as much as I love you.
Miller Lites & Frito Pie, you're the apple of my eye. Girl I've never met someone like you.
Man OH Man, you're my best friend, though we fight from randomness.
There are a few things that I need. 
Kara-isms, Kara-eyes, Boomer Sooner & my Hyde.
Ain't nothin' beats life with you. 
Oh friends, we're best friiiiiends. I <3 my friend life with YOU!

They told me I could be anything. Well, I finally picked something: Happy.

Sometimes it fits. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you're right.

I went all Stockholm syndrome on the fence that was holding me in. 

I took comfort in the level of happiness I had acquired. I constantly had the self-learned proven fact that it can always get worse. My joy was a visitor with no known departure date, and had found company in my world of contentment. By an unknown grace, I stopped being a fuck-tard in the general life sense. I may not have become everything I had dreamed of as a ambitious child, but one thing I can appreciate everyday is my ability to learn and grow from my adventures down this untraveled path that I have found myself committed to. Although this happiness can be, (and rightfully so) altered by the existence of fickle fate, I must attempt to live my life from this point on without that pesky parasite that is negativity. So many years spent carrying the heavy burden of believing the voice in the back of my mind telling me that I was as tarnished as the harsh events of my life had the right to make me. Within maturity you indeed acquire a sophistication when it comes empathic views of human nature. Hooray for that! Can I getta Amen, actually keep that Amen. Can I getta what what to all of these haters that are Negative Nancy's bringing us all down subconsciously! All you gotta do here is step outside of your annoying little box before ever attempting step 2. Put a little faith in yourself and watch as it grows. Now live your life for all it could be! Don't take that as a push to excel at the typical ideal that has been shoved down your throat. If you want to have 5 cats and watch wedding shows all day, but are able to go to sleep, satisfied in your self-approval rating, (yes I know I have run-on sentences, its how I roll, and frankly I always considered it THE bitchiest rule in grammar.) then knock your socks of with those cats and sweatpants. Here's where this is going: Happiness should not come from a place of settling for "not bad" and will never come if you are leading your life to satisfy everyone else. That's not even real happiness. It's like Diet Coke. Happiness will prevail when you are true to yourself. It sure can be a son of a bitch waiting to get to that point though. P.S. having a dog helps!