When does a tadpole realize that it is no longer such. Is it instant? Does this transformation even register or does it take trial and error? One day, does the caterpillar pass by a window and say (and I hope in a British accent) "Oh Holy FUCK, I do believe I'm a butterfly."
Personal growth has always been a front-runner in the steady race of my life values. This year even more so than the already overwhelming recent few. One of my biggest issues that I have carried with me, stems from my insecurity and the accompanying fear of instability. When I push pause on the repetitive worry soundtrack in my mind, I can take a step back from my nagging uptight norm and say "Oh Holy Fuck, I do believe I'm doing great." It has become a second nature for me to continuously strive for the right plan, the "way it should" be. I'm not sure if this characteristic was acquired through some self-preservation attempt or what really, I just know that it was borderline detrimental to my well being. Movies, fairy-tales, love songs, mother fucking Aesop's Fables, and most importantly true stories from a long time ago that are no longer applicable in today's new world, all of these contributed to my idealistic views that have painstakingly been a full-time back seat driver in my attempt to make them my reality. One of the most important things I could ever tell myself, given the chance to teleport back in time, would be: that it is much more fun, enlightening, and effective to take your own path. Now that gem of advice is not applicable to everyone. Some people need definitive structure ie: a pre-determined well groomed pathway for them to mindlessly travel upon. Those people are blissfully ignorant and I can't say that I wouldn't mind walking in their shoes for a day. Unfortunately I am not wired that simply and the mysterious make-up of my restless brain will not allow me such pleasures. In awareness of the fact that I am my own person, and that I must own being that person, I find comfort. I am this. Regardless of whether that tadpole went on for years wondering why he felt so different than he remembers, the reality is: the day he realized that he was a fucking frog, was brilliant. Jump Jump you fabulous frog!
Make up for all those jumps you never knew were possible :)
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