I recently discovered that my personality type according to the MBIT is INFJ. Therefore, my dominating functions are Introverted Intuition Feeling and Judging. Learning about these functions has answered so many mysteries about myself that previously had been viewed as faults in my own eyes.
I have always been somewhat of a nomad in my life. Consistent in the ever changing staples of my existence including jobs, friends and boyfriends. As I became older and more mature...enabled to see the outer world with a better understanding... as opposed to a self-centered indulgent reality spun from an adolescence filled with instability and doubt, I saw the dire need to ground myself. I imagine myself floating about my early twenties like a balloon. I needed to find a string and tie that string firmly from my end, to a reliable source.
This need to find someone to be secured to resulted in a somewhat desperate attempt to find my Mr. Right. (How I allowed myself to be someone's Ms. Right is another chapter) I *knew*...ahem intuitively, that Mr. Right was out there. Hiding in the haystack, I knew he was there. I started right from the get-go weeding out potentials. Some I got to know and love and to this day keep them in my heart with the utmost respect. Others taught me about the disappointment involved in letting certain people get to know the real me. The "real" me is hidden deep inside, covered by so many layers, that even long time friends are unaware of their existence. I would seek out bits and pieces that could hold those relationships together like a makeshift duct tape just long enough to show myself that these people are too toxic to endure. To sum it up, I've experienced life with 15 very unique boyfriends until meeting my Mr. Right. This specifically, is why I felt such a relief when I learned that INFJ's strive for the "ultimate relationship", which can be unfair to myself as well as the occasional beautiful soul that just didn't fit in with my extremely rare view of the world, my own personal world, and how it needs to exist.
As ever-changing as these romantic interests were in my earlier years, they were and still are more meaningful than even some of my longest friendships. I got to know these boys/men for who they truly are. Being an INFJ, I am the creepiest of people watchers. If you're in front of me in line, I've already got your life-story written out in my mind. Being such an addict of knowing (or even assuming to know) others, I became a fiend of getting close to them in a sincere way. I got to quietly learn the ins and outs and ups and downs of these people. It was never boring, even when it was predictable. Like an ongoing lesson that I eagerly absorbed. I honestly would not change this part of who I am. I want to experience your soul.
Sadly, I do not relate as well to the majority of our society. I do not approve of superficiality. It actually makes me want to barf all over it. I can tell right of the bat if someone I am meeting is genuine. If you are, you can move along to the next checkpoint. However, if you appear to be dishonest in all senses of the word, I cross my fingers that our interactions be few and far between. If we must make words come out of our mouths to each other for societal purposes, I am already aware that I will not be your favorite person. I'll probably rub you all kinds of wrong ways because you will know, that I know....
As INFJ's it is hard to relate to other personalities, due to the fact that ours is extremely rare. When it is hard to relate to the majority and vice/versa, it is quite easy to get hurt by others and their actions/beliefs/opinions. I know personally, if you hurt me emotionally more than once, you will be out of my life to the best of my ability. This most specifically is what other's have a hard time understanding about my personality. This is my defense mechanism and I embrace it. Others have their own systems in place, mine is just a little more extreme. In the words of Mike Ehrmantraut, "No Half Measures." :) No one understands the deepness of my soul, the devastation mine can reach, and the crucial protection I must have over it. Well, except other INFJ's.
