Clarity Danes & Leo De-Clusterfucked star in: No-more-hoes & Jameson.

So, on this month, I shall be turning 26 years old. Twenty-Six! I feel like this past year has brought me the most changes since I moved to Austin almost 8 years ago. I finally feel like I'm making decisions with my future in mind and slowly but surely, I am turning into the woman I knew I always had in me...somewhere deep down...buried in all the drama and booze I had embraced for years on top of years. One of the biggest changes/blessings in disguise was the removal of certain people from my daily routine. The phrase "you are what you surround yourself with" absolutely applies. Friendship is most certainly about quality and not quantity. I will gladly take my handful of gems over a bar-full of randoms. Don't take it the wrong way, I can appreciate a nice exchange of banter and shooting the shit on occasion but when you fall under the belief that those people define you, strictly because you see them more than others...your p.o.v on friendships can become severely skewed. So in my new found motivation to better myself, (BTW motivation....where the eff did you disappear to for so long? I like to think you suddenly found yourself on the LOST island, escaping smoke monsters, drooling over Sawyer and time traveling. ) Now that you are back, I'm going to take you and run. Someone recently told me that I have no idea of my own potential. To have someone that I admire very much tell me that was like having my stubborn eyes pried open. I think for a while, it was easier to survive  the overbearing amount of criticism I place upon myself by painting a red sign on my forehead screaming, "I just refuse to give a fuck." I didn't want to care about my job, my failing friendships, my health, or the image I portrayed to others. I had spent so much of my earlier life trying to be the one who never ruffles any feathers, never colors out of the lines, always deserving of approval and praise but never satisfied because it was always to please someone else. My rebellion came a little later than others, and seemed to last for a good chunk of my early-adulthood. Unfortunately my potential is at a disadvantage due to the fact that the cocktail that is my life: consisting mostly of stubbornness and bad luck, has left me with no legit education. It gets very annoying to hear over and over how "you can do it, a lot of people work full time and go to school..." Well, blame it on that son of a bitch trait called stubbornness if you must, but I chalk that one up to the straight up need to enjoy my life. I can and will give up these vices that have overstayed their welcome, but I won't be so busy working on my future that I FORGET to enjoy the now. Baby steps here. Let me first clear my life's closet of the last bit of clutter my ca-ca hoarding brain  has acquired over these years of shots shots shots shots shots shots, clear my lungs of the cancerous potential that resonates within, and clear my soul of any lingering bitterness towards the events that have left me in the state I am. In this case, what goes down MUST come up. So life...go ahead and vomit me up a new beginning  for this 26th year of my life and I shall frolic and play the Eskimo way....or uh.... the way that is not where I came from.